Update

Ok, it's been a week since I've been sent home from the hospital, things got rather crazy while I was readjusting to life at home. There were several issues waiting for me when I got there, a broken pipe that required a plumber to be called, getting used to the kids therapy scheduel again and all the other things that come with having a home that's been pretty much unattended by you for almost a month. I'm not saying that the menfolk didn't do a good job, cause they did wonderfully so. It's just..I prefer to do things a certain way. They don't do them that way...any other housewife out there probably knows what I mean.

So, I've been sent home with plenty of instructions and medications and things seem to be stable. Today I -did- have to go to the ER because my picc line came out of my body and required replacing. I was wonderfully sent home afterwards. I arrived there with an overnight bag, just assuming that for some reason I would be sent to the floor in the inpaitent wing. I have never been so glad to be wrong.

Readjusting to dialysis hasn't been easy, I've lost so much weight in the hospital that my "dry weight" has to be redetermined. This means that every other day until it's gotten right I spend my dialysis time throwing up and cramping, I get home and collapse.

There's been some family stress as well, DH and I had a prety severe (for us) argument last sunday that left us both feeling washed out and unhappy. It was resolved by the next day's lunch time (which I made darn sure that I met him at work for as a suprise) Learning to do everything again and taking the time to try to de-stress and all of it has been a learning experiance. As such I cherish it, even the hard times.

I miss the times when I knew for certain that I'd be home, and that things would/could run like clockwork provided that nothing huge happened to derail us. Now, every other day I wake at 5:30am, go to dialysis and live in fear the whole time even dreaming about being admitted to the hospital while there (because I do everything in my power to sleep through the sessions) and then hopefully..come home and breathe a prayer of thanks for being able to return.

I have been thinking about christmas eve (We celebrate both since DH is christian) and I have this menu in mind that I desire more than anything to create. I've got the recipies and I've made the shopping list but I'm almost afraid to go and get the things nesessary to make it happen. It requires a lot of prep, and most of it could be done this week and the entire week before christmas so that I'm only steaming, baking, and roasting on christmas eve proper. But, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will do this and the prep will be for nothing because I will be in the hospital and the things I prepped will go bad because they had a limited shelf life. (For example, the liver paste for the beef wellington)

On the other hand, the part of me that's not afraid is chom[ing at the bit to get it done so that we can have a romantic christmas eve with all the traditional food and mulled wine my overly traditional and idealistic mind can encompass. I'm trying with everything inside me to hold onto this part of me. As I was taught/learned/relearned this weekend...Faith manages. So...I hold on and I make my prep list and I try to get the house to a point where I know that we can sit and enjoy.
With Faith and Joy,
Kristen